To doctor a blog..

It is:

2007-02-04T15:31:00.000Z

Wrong to put myself under so much internal pressure.

Right to try my best.

Wrong to stop trying.

Ok to be insecure.

Not ok to stop believing in yourself.

Ok to be dissapointed.

Ok to make mistakes.

Not ok if you don't learn from your dissapointments and mistakes.

Ok to dream.

Not ok to just dream and not put in any action.

Bad to procrastinate.

Good to take things easy once in a while.

How do u balance the last two? And everything else?

**
Time to grow up?

Or remain young at heart?

Or both?

**
Does one ever grow up? At all?

A long, overdue, update.

2007-01-28T18:49:00.000Z

1 month into the New Year. Managed to miss my birthday posting, Christmas posting, New year's posting, and a host of loads of other things. I think of the time when I said that I'd decide to just write when I felt like it, and ideally it'd be once a month. Guess that resolution didn't take too long to break. Anyway.

I think I am the master of procrastination.

But I think I honestly have missed blogging. :) So, time to get the writing back! This will be a long one. And possibly very self-centered.

****
December went by quickly. No assignments, nothing due in, so it just seemed to chug along relatively relaxingly. Little did I know that those missed leg anatomy sessions would come back and haunt me in January.

But of course, there was the winter break to look forward to!

2 weeks spent with my dear, dear darling. A trip round France! And New Year's in Cardiff! Set me and my bank account back quite a bit, but it was well worth it. Nice, Monaco, Toulouse, little castles and towns around Toulouse, and then Paris. Beautiful, warm and then cold, but it was good. Great company. Monaco people are rich. Nice has beautiful sunrises. Castles are pretty, small towns are picturesque. Toulouse was a nice respite, and Paris was..Paris. Damm the Trocadero for not telling us about their hotel being conveniently shut in Nice. And the train companies for not being able to travel overnight on Christmas Eve, which meant that 1/4 of Christmas day was spent, on a train to Paris!

But the train ride was fun..and hot..:)

Paris lived up to its expectations of grand buildings, great museums, and snobbish, rude people(at the airport). There is this condition, Paris syndrome, which seems to infect unsuspecting Japanese tourists that are shocked by their rudeness, but the bulk of it happened to us on the last day of our travels, so that was..unpleasant..but it could have been much worse.

Turning 21, in a random hotel on the outskirts of Paris, was also a first. And only, since, come to think of it, since you only turn 21 once.

That too, was nice.

(I can't believe I am 21! We'll get back to that later.)

The French do great food by the way.

That aside, we arrived in London, breaked for a night, and then onwards to Cardiff. There were nice walks to Tesco, a bit of camwhoring, and..just being with each other was nice. New Year's in the arms of the one you love, wherever you are, is the best feeling in the world.

The worst part was, it all went by too fast.

***
The medical school exams were the worst ever I had sat for. Not so much for lack of preparation, but alot of carelessness, an unconfident Luke, and a fear of failing. Oh. and that handphone thing.

My handphone didn't go off in the exam hall, but had its Bluetooth on! On the first day. *faint*. If there is one thing for medical students out there to learn from (or any other student for that matter), switch off all your handphones in all your exams!

Dammit.

I didn't know it at the time, but I was on course for merit marks. That pretty much threw me off. And if the handphone was kept safe and sound and OFF, things might had been so much more different. I couldn't believe either that they scanned for Bluetooth devices! Amazing enough that mine was on as well, seeing as I hardly use it.

Whoopies. So much for aiming high.

But yeah, with the handphone and being on the verge of a mental breakdown as a result, as the exams ended on the 16th, I would have taken any form of pass at that time. With a disciplinary hearing and results due in on the next week, (which ended with a written warning and a scratch on my disciplinary record but results still the same, thankfully), I decided to travel to Cardiff to get away from it all, and help her with her exams.

And conveniently fell sick along the way.

Whats wrong with you, darned it. You're supposed to take care of her.

I really hope she did ok, because she, of all people, really will make a good doctor. Perhaps I'm biased, but she's got the right attitudes, and has the smarts to do it. And I hope that I did help her along the way.

Because I can't forgive myself if I caused her to screw up by being a distractant.

Regardless of how you feel about the exams love, I'm hoping that you still did ok.

***
January ends, with exam results(passes, thankfully, could have been merits, but could always have been worse), a 4000 word assignment due in 3 weeks, which is really going to be a kick towards my grades, and the word count currently stands at 0. Still have to visit the study patient a couple more times, and lots more bits and pieces, as it comes along the way. + SSC. + holiday planning. + make-or-break badminton matches.

February will be a crazy month.

***

I'm 21 now. Officially an adult! Its amazing and humbling to realise that you've grown so much and gotten this far in life so far. Yet also I've been feeling a bit down for a good part of the first month of it. I wonder why. Something to do with unfulfilled dreams n goals perhaps? Or a lack of belief in self which ought to be there? I wonder. What have I done with my life up to now? Immediately, these things spring to mind, and I know, these actions have had the most impact on my life.

-learned how to walk.
-learned to play badminton.
-played in a brass band.
-lead a marching band.
-made good friends, enemies, and a million acquaintances.
-fell in love.
-again.
-and hoping for this one to last.
-got into medical school. somehow.
-and survived the first year.

Things that then spring forth when I think of what I'd like to be able to do/be from now on, or eventually are:

-get through medical school (passing would be great, but honours would be a definate bonus), and progress through the career of a doctor well.
-win a couple more games of semi-competitive badminton.
-see the world, as much as I can before the rat race takes over (actually, in medical school, it seems to have begun already.)
-learn how to get out of the rat race quickly, and actually do it.
-be a good boyfriend/husband/father.
-be content and confident with and about myself.
-be sure of what i want, and where I'm going.
-and learn how to fly. an aeroplane. (lol. if i could physically fly, that would be v. cool!)
-and enjoy the processes of all these along the way.

That, as I turn 21, is what I think, my ambition and goals should be.

***

Mm. That felt good. If only the words came so easilly for my assignment *pout*.

Until next time guys :)

A day of falling table leaf arms.

2006-11-11T10:14:00.000Z

Newcastle Medical School prides themselves on having swanky technology and pretty lecture theatres for its medical students. Almost all the rooms, lecture theatres and library are beautifully carpeted, and complete with the latest computers, AV systems, etc.

Only one problem: drop leaf chairs in the seminar rooms (those that you can turn the arm up and down if you want to write) r very fragile. N rely on the best fit, and are not really fastened well together.

Usually one unlucky soul in the seminar room drops this 'drop leaf' each day(usually clumsy ol' me), to the humor of everyone else. Yesterday, by some coincidence, almost everyone had a go at it. Resulting in scattered notes and notepads and pencilcases, all over the room, all the time. lol. much to my amusement..who, didn't drop anything at all. amazingly enough. Perhaps the planets were aligned?

One month in, and work keeps coming in, social possibilities seem endless, flu is a constant nemesis, and money keeps dissapearing. Depressing sometimes, to be a medic. Which is why we can sometimes take pride in the little things that make our day. Like being able to keep your notes all steady on table leafs.

1st week back!

2006-10-01T21:00:00.000+01:00

And what a week. I've held brains, had the same brain held stolen from me and subsequently returned, injured my calf and hamstring, played too much badminton on a Sunday afternoon, carried a 20kg bookshelf back from IKEA Gateshead to Fenham, made a very expensive handphone mistake, met juniors, a 6' 5'' Trinidad and Tobago badminton international, froze to pieces in my own room even though its 20 degrees outside, and met too many people that I knew last year, a third of which whose names I can't remember, another third not being able to remember mine, and the last third, not knowing each others' name at all!

Its good to be back.

finally, Summer in Pictures.

2006-09-26T21:30:00.000+01:00

Right on cue, as our first lectures start tommorow!

Off to Vietnam!

2006-08-18T04:45:00.000+01:00

Land of the single yellow star on a bright red background's flag. Land of cheap labour, land mines, child prostitutes, inexpensive goods, industrial shipyards, unique foods, and Miss Saigon. Land where dad currently works.

Yes, I leave for Vietnam tommorow! For a week in an exotic place, not knowing the language, luggage as of yet unpacked, and camera batteries still flat! Mom is going to kill me.

Pray that I come home safe, and all limbs attached.

PS: if any of the KDU people that went to Penang for the mini reunion are reading this, esp Gayetri and Subhadra, can you please send me whatever pics you have of that to me? to any of my email adds. or can someone please, pretty please, help tell them that Luke needs pics? *_* tq..=)

SJS Band are National Champions 2006!

2006-08-09T03:00:00.000+01:00

Well done boys! Call yourselves MEN.

A teeny bit of nostalgia

2006-07-18T16:19:00.000+01:00

Well, this was supposed to describe my Wimbledon and summer in England, but that'll be put on hold for a bit.

Was going through old pictures that my parents had kept, and supposed to sort them out and burn them on a DvD for the family. Its really interesting, as you look back and you see how you grow up, and wonder how those paths that you walked and those decisions you made are captured in various moments that change your life. It didn't help that I also happened to have a very nice back-to-your-roots sort of conversation with a hometown friend, that helped to bring back the memories.

Haha. Ok, that was a bit melodramatic. But its honestly something that everyone should do. If you've got time these holidays, pick up a couple of old photo albums, a couple of not so old photo albums, and a couple of recentish photo albums, and believe me, your heart strings will pull at you like crazy.

I saw photos of me that I don't remember seeing. Pictures only my parents and family members can laugh at. I can only hope I've not dissapointed them, the way I've turned out.

(with a giant pimple to boot..)

I've seen pictures of my family; how we used to be so close and happy, until the pressures of life and the rat race started getting to us. Now that its 5 of us in 5 different places around the world, that could only mean that my parents got their decisions completely right/wrong.

I've seen pictures of friends and acquaintances; the ones that you thought you'd never lose, that have now drifted to become mere strangers that know a large chunk of you..or what you used to be. Those friends that you were never close to but were the ones that stayed in touch. Those past crushes, those old flames, you wonder how they are and how they're doing.

I've seen pictures of places I've been, some of which were only for a brief moment and hold little meaning, some of which you've stayed in for most of your life and helped mold you into what you are.

I look of pictures in the now, and look around me, and see how I've grown and changed, for better or worse, with the times. And its kind of scary, when you realise that you're not much further away from being a full blown adult. Dr. Teo? that really sounds something from a dream, or in the words of a friend, "Dr. Teo sounds like something illegal(!)", not what I potentially could be within the next 4 years.

Man. Growing up is scary. But to all those that I've met, and gotten to know, thanks for being there, and being part of my ride and journey.

Luke being sentimental signing off.

Current music if any should be Alanis Morisette's You Live, You Learn.

=)

Summer part 1!

2006-07-17T17:35:00.000+01:00

Summer.

It arrived 2 months ago. Just as the exams came to a close.

And its been BRILLIANT!

I have walked till my legs were numb, laughed till I teared, went 48 hours without sleep, seen Sharapova, Murray, Roddick, Williams, and Hewitt up close while wheeling rubbish bins, met loads of new friends, ate loads of food(still am), and found lots of rubbish to talk about with a sunflower, a badminton player, a band member, a lawyer, a security worker, and a bookworm. You know who you are :)

You other 3 KDU people who were there in London with me don't deserve a mention. you know too much :p.

Part 1 in UK has been amazing. More stories and pictures to follow!

One word.

2006-06-06T20:17:00.000+01:00

PASS!

Not on the viva list!

2006-06-05T18:57:00.000+01:00

Which = 90% chance to pass, 10% chance to fail.

Watch this space...wish me luck!

Returning to normality.

2006-06-03T12:24:00.000+01:00

The novelty of being hospitalised is wearing off now. Ah well, at least I can say I've had the FULL England experience...haha. All hail the NHS, free treatment for everyone. I'm grateful and thankful for my speedy and efficient treatment, but is it any wonder that they're leaking money like anything?

And luck is upon us Geordies! Being discharged to find amazing weather(amazing=lots of sun *big cheezy grin*) forecasted for the weekend and beyond. I was advised not to do any sports while I still had my dressing on for this pimple thing, but weather on Friday was simply too irresistable.

5 hours of football=good summer day=very painful Saturday morning. Ah. I love summer weather.

Yet, woe is upon us too. Exam results are coming out on Monday. What they call a viva list. Basically, Newcastle Med School is quite nasty with their results:

#1. A confirmed pass mark is in the region of 60%!
#2. We have 3 subject 'strands', and even if you were to score 100% in 2 of them, if you had 59% for the last one, you'd be summoned to viva.
#3. Vivas=Oxbridge style interviews. About insanely complex medical knowledge. Used to assess candidates between 40% and 60% as the faculty "is unsure whether you deserve to pass or not." *scowl*
#4. If your name isn't on the viva list, chances are you've passed. But there's a tiny possibility that you might have failed entirely too, and will need to do the full resits in August. The full pass/fail list gets released on Tuesday. *shudder*

(Great going Luke, you just managed to ruin the Saturday with viva thoughts.)

Sigh. Don't know whether to prepare for a viva just in case, as the viva list gets released at 5PM on Monday, and the viva interviews start at 9AM the next day. In the case that I do get called up for a viva *shudders again* I have to cover 1 year's worth of medical education in..14 hours.

..

Think positive Luke! Think of the weather!

Hospitalised for a pimple!

2006-06-01T13:32:00.000+01:00

Well. Its been about..what...4 months since my last post. Apologies, I really should blog more often. What to do ah. I've come to the conclusion(like everyone else has) that I'm just lazy. I'm not going to pretend that I'll regularly update this site anymore, and just do it as I fancy.

Anyway, within these 4 months, notable things that have happened include:

1. Going to Bristol afterall (and lost badly).
2. Going on a 2pm-2am pub crawl..and lasted until 11PM only :(..mainly due to financial constraints...among other nights out.
3. Pulling off an awesome Malaysian night =)
4. Growing hair long enough for a ponytail.
5. Survived Stage 1 MBBS exams (results out next Monday! have to survive those too!

But the best part of all:
6. Got hospitalised for a giant 'pimple'.

If theres something to blog about, it has definately got to be that..haha..and it just might reignite my blogging activity.

Basically, it went like this:

Wednesday 10AM: Went to see the student drop in service at Saville Medical Group for this:

10.15AM: Nurse practicioner, "I won't touch that...I'll refer you to the GP."

10.20AM: GP, "I won't touch that...I'll refer you to the RVI." Royal Victoria Infirmary? The mother of all hospitals! (Ironically, next to the medical school as well!)

(Wait a minute, hospitalisation just for a zit?)

11.00AM: Admitted to Ward 41. Immediately got put on an IV drip and antibiotics:

And had a general checkup done amazingly quickly.

Suddenly felt a bit...panicky. I didn't expect to be hospitalised when I happily woke up 3 hours ago.

11.15AM: "We're transferring you to Ward 47, Plastic Surgery dept. You'll need surgery for the abcess (note: scientific jargon) under general anasthetic, and we'll probably have to keep you under observation overnight."

(wTH! now definately panicking! GA just to drain a pimple! Geez...! These Brits..they don't do things in halves, do they?)

So somehow, I found myself being attended to by nurses, being asked about every bit of random allergic information I might have, to social background, family history, all in preparation for surgery immediately on the day. Watching SHOs and anaesthesists crawl about and tell me about the benefits of GA.

I didn't know whether to be scared or whether to be incredulous.

Managed somehow to wrangle an international call out to my parents though, and managed to text friends in Newcastle about it. Jo, Ben, Jia Yi, Peng Yi, Fang En and Albert came about in the afternoon, which was really nice. Thanks alot =).

In Jo's words when they saw me, "Dunno whether to be concerned or whether to laugh..."

I'd agree with laughter =p.

After the guys left though, things went by quite fast. Got wheeled out to the OT quite quickly, and the consultant anasthesist was really efficient. She didn't mince her words when she said the anasthetic was strong. I wen't under at 4.07PM, after mumbling something about the anasthetic feeling like alcohol. Somehow vaguely remember being attached to ECG leads, and breathing pure oxygen, and ..thats it.

anasthetic=strong...

The plastic surgeons basically made an incision and put in a couple of tubes to drain the abcess. GA for a operation that barely lasted 15 minutes. *raised eyebrows*

Groggily came to at around 4.55PM(according to my patient notes), and felt somewhat..annoyed. Mild headache, tiny dinner, and my annoyance at succumbing to anasthesia so easilly didn't really help much as I was returned to my bed slot in Ward 47. They were keeping me overnight for observation as well! Man. I didn't know a pimple could generate that much interest.

Hmm! The ECG leads were still attached to me!

Jia Yi and Peng Yi came around again shortly round 10PM, and left me a toothbrush, and toothpaste..and..a..story book of some sort. That kept me entertained for a bit..hospital entertainment seemed expensive..like, you had to pay for it with a credit card or something. Still felt groggy though, so didn't really notice how I looked like, even when brushing teeth.

Somewhere along that line I dozed off..and got woken up by new patients being admitted in the middle of the night..on and off...

and the sun! SUN! at 4AM! these are the bits of summer you don't like...not when you wanna zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz in the comfy hospital bed still wearing one's operating gown.

I discovered, that I looked like this:

Which was reasonable I suppose. After breakfast and things, doctors came around, talked to me for 30 seconds, and ripped off the drainage tubes in about 5. That was all the doctor-patient interaction I had for the day *scowl*. Overall, good marks for professionalism, none for communication skills and patient interaction! haha!

The nurses were fantastic though, friendly yet meticulous and attentive to detail. They're the backbone of the hospital really, changing sheets, distributing food, giving drugs, blood pressure, giving dressings, its a profession that deserves more credit than it usually gets, I reckon.

It was also a bonus that the one attending to me was *hawt*-ish *grin*.

But it was really quite interesting. I mean, it was quite interesting from a medical student's point of view, to be reminded of the patient's perspective once in a while. And to see almost all of what we studied being put into context was neat. All in all it was a pleasant stay in hospital. Pleasant ...but boring. At least after surgery. George came around for a short visit just as I was being discharged, which was a pleasant suprise too, thanks dude.

Walked out of the hospital doors at 1.00PM. And that was that.

All that, just for a zit.

Dilemma: To study or to play?

2006-02-21T20:59:00.000Z

19th February: Badminton team captain gives me a text. Wants to make sure I'm free for March 1st, as there's a BUSA match to play all the way down south in Bristol, and the Uni is paying for the flight there.

Free trip to Bristol! Hell yeah..I'm certain I'll be free, Wednesday afternoon is always off as sports afternoons..

20th February: Discover that on March 1st, the medical school dosen't respect Wednesday afternoons as sport afternoons, and have set up hospital visits for us first year medics. Cue shock, then grumbling at missing out on what I consider among the best parts of medical school, then resentment at myself for not planning ahead and checking the timetable before assuming I was free, then worry about flunking out of the course for skipping 1 hospital visit session out of 4 in the year.

Wait a minute, Luke, pull yourself together, I'm sure something can be figured out. Email hospital visit coordinator to see whether an alternative day of visit can be set up.

20th February 10AM: Discover that March 8th (another Wednesday afternoon) is the other day for hospital visits, but I have an appointment with my Family Study mom that day!

I think I'll go to Bristol anyway. I'm sure Student Union has paid for my tickets. So I should go. Can't waste Uni money can I? =) (Although in retrospect, my training at the hospital for that afternoon if I were to go, would probably cost an equivalent amount..somehow..)

20th February 9.11Pm: Course coordinator has yet to reply. Perhaps I sent it to the wrong person? Cue more worrying. Argh. I might send it again tommorow.

Sigh. Dilemma dilemma dilemma..

How pimples are born.

2006-01-27T16:38:00.000Z

D:Hello everybody, my name's Dr Acne and on today's show we have a Mr Pimple, who is here today to tell his life story to us today. Welcome to the show, Mr Pimple.

P:Its a pleasure, thanks for having me today Dr Acne. Hey, wait a minute..you've got a zit!

D: Well..I don't have a ..pimple on me now..let me see..(feels over face)

P: You've got one right there, on the tip of the nose!

D: What the heck?! Lemme see! (takes out mirror from pocket) Damm it man! How the **** do these things happen?

P: Well, what happens is that you've got fine hair that grows out of your skin. Next to that hair, there's a gland called a sebaceous gland, that produces sebum, which consists of cells filled with mostly fats and fatty acids. When you reach puberty, androgens or sex hormones trigger these glands to produce excess amounts of sebum, which are excreted on to these hairs that grow out of your skin. When too much sebum is produced, it blocks the hair pore that its supposed to come out of. Dead skin cells and bacteria can grow off this blocked pore, forming a blackhead, or new skin cells can grow over this blockage, forming a white head. When the bacteria that forms the blackhead divide and reproduce, this can trigger an immune response which causes inflammation of the surrounding tissues, hence, forming a zit, a.k.a acne, a.k.a pimple.

D: Wow, you sure know about pimples, Mr. Pimple! Anyway, moving along now..

****

Pimple formation. Among the many useful bits of information we learn in medical school.

Of politics and interesting articles.

2006-01-23T11:02:00.000Z

Exams came and went, and the long 5 day break came and went quickly as well.

In between I've had about 10 hours of football, basketball, badminton and some sport related activity that have killed most of my limbs, but somehow have not helped my abs in the slightest.

But more interestingly, had an interesting chat with the ex-Malsoc president after one of those games of football that gave me cause to ponder. Basically, it seems that student societies in the UK as a whole are becoming quite politicised, and you've got Malaysian student associations that have actually been blacklisted as potential opposition followers. There's in fact, an actual UMNO association all the way up here in Newcastle! And apparently, we've co-hosted and organised some events together that we've not heard off.

In the midst of it all, I wonder what Malaysian Societies in universities across the UK, or in other parts of the world for the matter are for. Presumably they're there for networking purposes, carry out fun events and promote Malaysian culture as a whole.

Wouldn't it be nice if everything was just kept simple like that?

But the world just dosen't seem to be that black and white. Everyone somehow wants to have their say and wants to be represented some way or another, wants to influence people one way or another.

Its funny I guess, it isn't just restricted to Malaysians. Apparently a couple of years ago, when a guy from Hong Kong was elected president of the Chinese Society in Newcastle Uni, the mainland-born Chinese staged a walkout at the next meeting he held.

And on a side note, apparently some guys didn't want to take part in last year's Malaysian Night in Newcastle because the location that it was at housed a bar on Friday nights, and they thought that in that sense, Malaysian Night would indirectly be supporting vices, or immoral activity. But at the same time, can't really help it if the Student Union building is full of bars, and to host an event involving 500ish people, anywhere outside the university would probably be too expensive for us anyway. Surely you've got to give or take a little bit and try and understand?

Its not like the bar gave a free flow of beer that night(it was closed!) or they had un-Malaysian performances or anything, they had all the normal dikir barat, chinese fan dances, etc etc, and as always, Malaysian food!

In all fairness though, with a grain of salt, I've only gotten one side of the story, and well, you can't really please everyone can you? Wait for an update as I hunt for more dirt.

In between all of that that, I've come across quite a few bits of articles that are worth looking at, and may be fairly controversial. There is a Wikipedia article on Article 153 of the Malaysian constitiution that was discovered by some friends in Newcastle and Cardiff, and what the BBC had to say about Malaysia and a few related stories on the links on that website.

And for me, its back to lectures, and the start of the 2nd term at medical school!

2006 arrives..

2006-01-13T23:09:00.000Z

bringing with it the January exams.

believe it or not, they also start on Friday the 13th.

talk about bad luck.

1 week away from the end of term..

2005-12-08T11:32:00.000Z

As I write this, I realise that its already been a good 3 months in the UK as it is.

Time does seem to go by faster as you get older.

Its been a real eye opener though, thats for sure. I never knew that one could drink so much, yet still show up reasonably on time at lectures the next day. I never knew that badminton was such a big sport in England. I never expected medical school to be this varied, or to be so much work. I never expected to be as homesick as I was(and sometimes still am), yet have managed to meet so many people from so many places.

And its a week away from Christmas holidays. A welcome break, although only for 3 weeks, and with January exams to prepare for as well though. Christmas is really big in England, and shops have been having Christmas sales since November. Pity though, that more often than not, winter clothing isn't on sale. Really need that, or else I'll freeze come February.

But that aside, I find it a tad disturbing that the UK has felt more like a 3 month long holiday, with bits and pieces of work and lectures in between. Funny how that, having worked my arse off to get to medical school, I'm not working at all in it. Work has piled up. My second assignment stares back at me, as I comprehend how to start doing it.

The euphoria of being in a new place has worn off.

Actually. I think it wore off ages ago.

Perhaps the holidays will come and I'll feel better.

Argh.

To friendship..

2005-11-13T18:37:00.000Z

Three major things I did, plus several smaller bits and pieces, contributed to an excellent weekend, probably the best I've had in England so far.

This posting is also dedicated to friends near and far, new and old. Thanks for making it a great weekend, and for the times we had and will have. Really miss all of you guys and girls, who've come into my life at one point or another, and made my day.

Friday:

Had 9-10 and 4-5 lectures. Not the best of combinations. Had to see family study mum on a Friday night as well(major event #1). Work to ruin the start to the weekend?

Not at all! Study mum was nice and pleasant, and she and her husband were quite friendly and welcoming. Got quite a bit of information to start off the family study project. Should go well, and hoping for a good project to boost my end of year marks, after passing the exam, know I can merit the year if I work for it. If I score 3 merits overall in the next 4 years, I can graduate with MB BS Honours! :D

Also, had dinner and caught a movie with my family study partner, Sally. She's nice. Might end up flatting with her for the next year. Don't know, but lots of possibilities~ Definately get along well with her, for now at least. =)

Saturday

Travelled to Nottingham with Malsoc (Malaysian Society) for the Nottingham Malaysia Games(major event #2). Thanks to getting in bed by 1.ooAM, nearly didn't wake up for the bus, which was due to leave at 5AM. But I made it nevertheless.

Let the games begin!

In all honesty, the Games was not so much about the Games itself, but meeting the whole lot of Malaysians from all over England. And it was awesome. Met so many good friends from KDU, people who toiled and struggled through our A-Levels to get to England. It was heartening to see the fruits of our labour pay off and see each other well and good, having a great time in England. Many people from many places in Malaysia that I met as well, and wanted to catch up, but didn't have enough time. One day, is just too short, time went by just too fast. But I'm sure all of us had a great time. A potential reunion in London for the Christmas hols is now on the cards!

Sunday

For 6 quid, had an "All you can eat!" Chinese food buffet in Newcastle's Chinatown. Went out with Adrian, a dental student in C'Leazes halls. Nice quiet guy, supplier of films and anime. We were absolutely stuffed. And I had a good nap for most of the day.

But Major Event #3, was when a good friend of mine called from Malaysia. Interupted my nap, but that was a small price to pay. I thought I was dreaming, but we had a good 20 minute conversation, potentially until her phone credit ran dry. Once again, time just flew by too fast, just like in Nottingham.

Gosh, I miss her so much. And everyone else.

***
I sound super sentimental today, but yeah, I'm not ashamed of it =p.

Once again, friends, thanks for everything, and more.

A whirlwind..

2005-11-10T12:51:00.000Z

Its been a crazy week at university.

And its going to get even better yet.

After the events of FIRST BLOOD!, I proceeded to regain my composure over the weekend preparing for our first exam on last Monday, 7/11/05.

Wait, what preparation? I spent :

Half of the weekend sleeping.

1/3 of the weekend playing DOTA @ Warcraft 3, albeit with AI. Well, beggars can't be choosers, and I haven't been playing for months! Ben K., you're my saviour!

About 3 hours chatting in the library.

The rest of it spent worrying about the exam, yet being too lazy to do anything about it.

It caused me to panic and cram for 3 hours in the wee hours on Monday morning, just before rushing down to the King's Hall smack in the middle of campus to sit for it.

And came out of it, brain cells thoroughly bruised and battered, shattered physically and psychologically. They say Form 6 in Malaysia is tough. Or maybe A Levels. Trust me. Medical school beats them all, and in the words from one magazine "tosses A Levels to the ground and stomps all over it." You realise you know .....so little. Humbling.

After the trauma of this exam, by now expecting to fail miserably, I turned my attention to our first assignment, which was due today. In between, I managed to distract myself by swing dancing, playing rubbishly in badminton, both in training and against Loughborough's 1st squad in the BUSA match.

Loughborough! Damm. We could have beaten them. They sent a mix of their best and some second stringers, which we could have taken. Unfortunately, like in Warwick 2 weeks ago, I played like crap. And lost both matches. Again. IN all fairness, their first doubles are pretty good. Reminded me much of some of the top guys back home in fact. Brings back loads of memories of badminton games in Malaysia.

Its a bit tricky though, playing in 10 degrees centrigrade, in a cold, cold, gym. And trying to win. Or at least keep the shuttle in. And not freeze.

It'll get worse as winter comes..=(

If its a consoling fact, Loughborough are basically the strongest university badminton squad in England, together with Birmingham, full of scholarships and funding from the government. They take their sport seriously, those Englishmen.

Anyway, once I got round my distractions, I proceeded to attempt my assignment. We needed to write a newspaper article, about advances in the treatment of cystic fibrosis, a genetic disease. We also had to write a self reflecting article, about the first 4 weeks at university. And apparently, if you fail even this first assignment, you have to resit at the end of the year.

Pressure. I've handed in about half an hour ago, and all sorts of fears are going into my head about plagarism and the amount of detail I should have written, the list goes on and one.

My self reflection article. I wrote that I shouldn't worry too much. I should apply that.

On the flip side though, the exam results came back, and I passed! Quite a good pass apparently. Well, I Borderlined the first part (@What), the easier part, but I got a Merit for the second harder part(@How), while I got 80% for the third part(@Who), which was not too bad at all =)

I'll explain on the marks sometime, Newcastle does weird things for their assesments. BUt it basically means that I'm the top half of the year, getting a merit in How.

Ah, and more things to look forward too. DeepaRaya celebrations tonight! Free food! Celebration! And a Nottingham trip to look forward too this Saturday. KDU people in UK and Ireland, come one come all! Be there! 508 rawks =)

I may yet become a doctor afterall =)

FIRST BLOOD!

2005-11-04T17:08:00.000Z

(PS: In an effort to combat my procrastination, this is the first of my attempts to kick the habit.)

The art of venesection @ venipuncture, is the first, of many stepping stone towards a doctor being competent in clinical skills. Its essentially taking blood from a vein thats punctured with a needle.

Much simpler than chest examination, and in fact, since we're actually playing with needles and stuff, more doctorly =)

I did mention before that i liked clinical skills. Alot.

So, I managed to get blood.

But only on the second try.

Sigh. Long way to go before I can even think of putting Dr. in front of my surname. I'm so sorry to my first victim, Hairi, who unfortunately, has also a slight fear of needles. I guess, in hindsight, that his decision to ask me to become his partner for this project backfired on him. I was a good patient for him, good veins etc, and not afraid of needles. Well, a bit. But I've donated blood before, and those needles are much bigger. (have to admit though, did shut my eyes for a while when he was putting it in..haha...so much for my so called bravery..). And I probably spoiled his second day of Hari Raya as well. ONce again, a thousand apologies Hairi, if you ever read this.

Anyway, I went through the procedure well, introduced myself, applied tourniquet, identified a good vein, cleaned the area about to puncture, entered at a good angle.

And went too deep.

Always good to have a sense of balance. And never too good to be overenthusiastic, which I was.

Went too deep, and the Dr supervising me asked me to pull it back out a little. Which I did. Then..Hairi muttered "Ouch!". ANd my hand must have ears of its own, because half a second later Hairi was oozing blood and my needle was halfway out of the skin but not cleanly out.

I think I was more traumatised than Hairi.

Thankfully, my second attempt went well. And I'm quite happy with that, because although James Dundass has good veins, I couldn't see the one that I went for. (James is a brave lad, and in the same tutor group as me, and he had volunteered to be punctured 3 times before I came along. Talk about a love for needles instead. Accupuncture anyone?)

Apparently, its a good thing, because you're not supposed to see the vein, you're supposed to feel for it.

So I went for it, and succeded at the 2nd, harder attempt.

So now I feel partially elated, and it kind of helps to console me for my disastarous first attempt, that I managed to get blood from a harder vein more easily =)

(but I don't think anyone will volunteer for me anymore. At least not Hairi =p)

Being Overwhelmed..

2005-11-03T23:26:00.000Z

Is something that happens when you procrastinate. As defined by Wikipedia, procrastination is " the irrational delay of an intended course of action, even while expecting to be worse off for the delay."

I think I'm an expert at it.

I've managed to put off updating my blog 3 times at least, or else an account of my first uni badminton team trip, or my first visitor to Newcastle, or how my mood seems to fluctuate with the weather would have materialised. I've also managed to put off studying for my upcoming first test by more than 2 weeks, put off finishing an assignment thats due next week, put of urgent emails to urgent people, not folded my clothes, or bought replacement pencils.

Ah. Its good to be lazy. But I know I'll regret it someday =)

1 Month in Newcastle.

2005-10-21T13:26:00.000+01:00

I just realised today, as I was walking back for my lunch break, that I've been in Newcastle for approximately 30 days, 23 hours, 35 minutes, and 17 seconds.

In this time I have:

Met too many people named James, John, Sarah or Sophie.
Learnt about Sophie's pelvis.
Gone on 2 1/2 pub crawls.
Drunk chilli vodka.
Made the Newcastle Badminton First team.
Gave kids sex education.
Joined the Swing Dancing society.
Not cooked.
Boiled water 8 times.
Studied for 30 minutes.
Slept in 5 lectures.
Lent my bright orange stethoscope to George T. Twice. I think he wants it for himself.
Borrowed 4 books from the library.
Read none of 'em.
Bought 10 kiwis for 50p.

For the remainder of my first year in Newcastle, I'd like to:

Pass my exams(hoopefully with merit..=).
Watch the raising of the Millenium Bridge.
Cook at least once.
Get drunk at least once.
Be able to swing dance well.
Beat Loughborough at badminton (fat chance).
Explore more of Newcastle and its surrounds.
Make sure Zijian drinks Chilli Vodka.
Make sure all the Malaysians in Newcastle drink Chilli Vodka.
Find nice flatmates.
Not feel so homesick.
And all in all, continue to have fun!

Homesickness

2005-10-17T09:17:00.000+01:00

Being homesick is when:

You check your email once every 3 hours.
You have nothing to do on a Friday night. Or a Thursday night. Or a Wednesday. Etc.
You're alone in your room, and you hear party music surrounding Castle Leazes.
You stare at the screen for hours, visiting sites you've seen for the 99th time, and play the same game for the 101st time.
You feel sad. Hopelessly sad.
(and bored)
(and lonely)
(and tired)
You hate it when your sole conversation on MSN/Yahoo/Google Talk with a friend from the past is disrupted because your internet connection sucks.
You just want to cuddle up to Mom/Dad/anyone who will take you in and not rape you.
You miss everyone. Enemies. Friends. That annoying Moral teacher. Everything that you've left behind.

But you are not homesick when:

You've had shots of Chilli Vodka.
You play 10 hours worth of badminton and soccer every week.
You go swing dancing.
You play Winning 11, and lose badly and have a good laugh.
You have trips planned for every weekend for 5 weeks in a row.
You actually get down to work and study.
You go on a pub crawl.
You go for another one.
And another.
And another.
You play crazy drinking games on your pub crawl( "I have never..!").
You spend too much $$ on your pub crawl. Wayyyy too much. And not think about the conversion rate of *7.

Its all about striking a balance =)

Ethics 101

2005-10-12T18:34:00.000+01:00

Ethics. Another great part of medical school. Can argue for forever and not come to any definate conclusion. Very fun =) We were given mock assignments, not assesed, and had to come up with a situation to discuss. It could be in any setting, could involve any type of situation/setting/treatment, etc.

Just curiously, for those who happen to pass by, I would really appreciate comments on this issue which I posed to my medical group, which I'll outline here, prospective medics esp, help me out on this :p :

***

The case involves organ transplantation, and also revolves around limited distribution of resources.

2 patients are admitted at about the same time in a hospital, both requiring immediate heart transplant surgery to survive.

1st patient= 20 year old man, with 1 child, rated 40% survival if surgery was carried out. Expected to live to 40 if transplant succesful.

2nd patient= 65 year old grandfather, has wife, children, young grandchildren, etc, rated 90% survival if surgery is carried out. Expected to live to 75 if transplant successful.

If neither gets the transplant, both will die within 24 hours.

It is said in sBMJ, Vol 11, July '03, by Pierre Mallia, in her essay on Biomedical Ethics: Organ Transplantation, that "All human beings should be treated equally, one cannot be more worthy than another, based on age. ....we shoukd strive to add more life to years, rather than years to life."

Who would you give the heart to? What will you base your decision on? And one way or another one of them will die.

***

Its a highly abbreviated version, and it gives lots of room for speculation. Guys, your comments, please! =)

A bump on the chest

2005-10-07T23:40:00.000+01:00

Today we had our first clinical skills practical, which I think, in my opinion, is the best part of the course. We will be taught basic clinical skills alongside our course material..which I think is quite an interesting setup, and while the need to know about mucosa and epithelia is just as important, however, its also much more boring.

After eons of theoretical lectures, actually getting your hands on a (mock) patient is exhilarating. We have started off on the respiratory system basically, and this session was about learning how to perform a basic chest examination. Basically, introduce yourself, ask permission from patient to examine him/her,observe from afar, and then observe from up close which covers the initial inspection. Next up is palpation, which basically inspects the body with hands and fingers with careful feeling.

Careful feeling, yes. ;-)

Next up is percussion...from percuss, which means to tap. Tap on the chest, or all over the chest.. with a proper technique for it too..

Even better though, I got to use my bright, happy looking orange stethoscope =) in auscultation..which basically is listening for sounds..breathing sounds with regard to the respiratory system. Vesicular and bronchial sounds in medical terminology to be exact.

In my group, guys volunteered(rather, were coerced) to become models(mock patients) for examinations, and we were supposed to help each other out. I got the same Dr X that helped with the anatomy session, and I reckon he could make a skeleton laugh., he's got quite a sense of humour/sarcasm. Anyhow, a bunch of about 30 odd people were further split into about 3 groups..and thats when modelling started for about an hour. Me and this other chap took turns..he went first and then I relieved him midway through the session..after I had gone through my rounds (lol..feels so Dr-ish to say that..=)

And then one of my fellow colleagues discovered that I had a very evident bump on the chest, which was my sternal angle/angle of Louis. Its on the sternum, where the manubrium meets the body of the sternum, and is quite an important anatomical landmark.

Apparently most people had problems locating one of their own ever since we learnt about it during that first anatomy session..so for 5 minutes everyone forgot about the chest examination and felt for this normality on..me.

I didn't mind the slightest. I think you learn the most by volunteering as a patient =)

I think clinical skills is what medics should live for. I think its what I live for. For now. I can't stop smiling thinking about it, thats for sure =) =) =)

Swing dancing, Dolly and the Rib of Truth

2005-10-04T21:30:00.000+01:00

On a somber note, had my first dissection session today. Well, it wasn't much of a dissection, it was more of a prosection...meaning the cadaver had already been dissected and we were shown the bits..and pieces of it.

Besides the cadaver, there were other bits and pieces, which constituted:

1x 1st rib
1x 4th or 5th or 6th rib..i'm not sure which
3x lumbar vertebrae
2x lumpy left lungs
1x lumpy right lung
1x slightly less lumpy right lung
1x RIB OF TRUTH

Which our instructor, Dr X first proceeded to instruct us in. Should you be handed the Rib of Truth, one could only utter correct statements when asked questions, even though we knew naught about the spinous processes, or the inferior vertebral notch, or the pedicle, or the etc, and etc and etc. And somehow correct answers all did fly from our mouths, which was, pretty amazing, considering no one had touched an anatomy textbook before this. Well, I didn't at least. I don't know about my mates. But I got easy questions =)

After handling the assorted bits and pieces, we moved on to Dolly. The cadaver=Dolly. Nothing like the sheep. They only keep cadavers for 3 years max, and Dolly looked closer to 3 years than 1.

And the smell of formaline just stays with you.

We took a look at the thoracic cavity, and had a feel about...specifically looking for the costaldiaphragmatic recess.

Well. Thats about all the studying I'm doing tonight, because I had to look up all the fancy names above, since I've totally forgotten everything.

5 years. Every journey begins with a single step.

I guess medical terminology is rather like playing Scrabble I reckon, pick the tiles out of the bag, and rearrange it, and I guarantee no matter how weird, you can find your creation in an anatomy, or physiology textbook.

***

On a lighter note, I stepped on alot of feet in swing-dancing. Some hyperactive medics from the 7th floor of Castle Leazes Halls (I'm on the 6th) dragged me off to swing-dance somewhere in the middle of Newcastle next to the Quayside. There were about 50 in this...swing dance society..and girls outnumbered guys in an 8:1 ratio.

Heh =).

Its quite addictive really, even the basic simple steps we got started upon. And I had a great time meeting more people that I'd probably never meet again. Well, hopefully they'll all turn up at the next session. I do want to go for the next one. And it happens to be at Castle Leazes! Joy! Rapture! Dancing in the moonlight...

To conclude: Dissections are interesting, and you'll never remember all the names of every single body part. But swing dancing is fun =D

Medic=not a Mathematician

2005-10-03T00:52:00.000+01:00

Sorry. It was 1 year since my last post, not 1 1/2, before any of you start laughing your arses off...owh...too late.. haha =)

Medical school starts here..

2005-10-03T00:30:00.000+01:00

Its been..
1 1/2 years since my last post..
2 months since A-Level results..
2 weeks since arriving in England..
1 week since the start of Medical School/Fresher's Week/the onset of exhaustion/recovery of flu..
2 days since another Bali bombing..

And its also about time to try and nurse this blog back to health...after all...training as a doctor must start somewhere =) watch this space for 5 years to come..hopefully..

the black hole that is my laptop

2004-10-24T05:28:00.000+01:00

My laptop has been likened to my room in the past few weeks. I've never really been an organised person, and all my previous attempts at trying to organise myself has had no effect on myself, or my psyche, or the surrounding. In fact, I think it seems to have made things a lot more untidy. Somehow, I keep going back to trying to clean things up.

Yesterday, I tried to clear up my laptop. I discovered:

1. A zipped version of "the sims 2" which I promptly unzipped, then forgot where I unzipped it to.

2. Copies of flash installer packages, extra icons, and some very disturbing pictures and videos which i forgot i had...

3. Over 20 drafts of personal statements, testimonials, and curriculum vitaes, half of which did not belong to me.

4. Miscellaneous bits and pieces of phone numbers and passwords, when I didn't have a pen around and was lazy to dig one up.

5. That I had alot of files about actuarial science. (!)

Anyhow, I rearranged some icons, deleted some files, added alot of folders, and jumbled my programmes around, and added a nicer wallpaper. Its looking alot better now.

Wonder how long it should last.

Ah :D

Now to work on my room..

the fight or flight response

2004-10-21T10:28:00.000+01:00

"Red Horse looked up from his kill and saw a bear. 3 bears.

They looked very hungry.

Immediately adrenaline was released from the Red Horse's pituitary gland, increasing blood pressure and stimulating the heart to beat faster.

This increased the rate of blood being circulated to his muscles, increasing the availibility of oxygen for respiration to occur. His ventilation rate increased for the very same reason.

His senses were heightened, as he saw the bears moving in for the kill.

He picked up the bow and 2 arrows that were lying at his feet and ran away, aiming the two arrows and firing them with precision, killing two of the bears. A result of dedication, body kinsethics and beautiful movement, honed with 18 years of practice with his elders.

One bear was left. He ran, dodging bushes, prancing, and thinking of various strategies to get himself out of the dead end that was right ahead.

He reached the dead end.

Turned.

Tried to remember the effects of hypocalcemia, the chemistry, biology and physics a-level syllabi, and why he wanted to become a doctor.

And prepared to face his nemesis..."

My interview for Cambridge, as you can see is tommorow. The other 2 bears were a reference to some a-level practical papers.

something missinsg

2004-10-18T03:58:00.000+01:00

dead.

buried.

have yet to be inspired since the mock interview..

and the actual one is 5 days away.

and the as exam is here.

sigh.

perhaps when the holidays come around next time i'll feel better.

now, off to do math, dodgeball, and panic.

hypocalcemia

2004-09-18T13:44:00.000+01:00

What is hypocalcemia? Explain the effects of hypocalcemia on the human body, minus effects on bone, teeth and blood.

Hypocalcemia. Derived from Latin hypo, meaning lack of and calcemia , meaning calcium.

Caused by a lack of calcium in the body.

(err...duh)

Well, actually it's not so simple.

"The causes of hypocalcemia include hypoalbuminemia, hypomagnesemia, hyperphosphatemia, multifactorial enhanced protein binding and anion chelation, medication effects, surgical effects, PTH deficiency or resistance, and vitamin D deficiency or resistance."

"Calcium regulation is critical for normal cell function, neural transmission, membrane stability, bone structure, blood coagulation, and intracellular signaling. The essential functions of this divalent cation continue to be elucidated, particularly in head injury/stroke and cardiopulmonary effects. Depending on the cause, unrecognized or poorly treated hypocalcemic emergencies can lead to significant morbidity or death."

"Calcium regulation is maintained by parathyroid hormone (PTH), vitamin D, and calcitonin through complex feedback loops. These compounds act primarily at bone, renal, and GI sites. Calcium also is affected by magnesium and phosphorus."

"Neural hyperexcitability due to acute hypocalcemia causes smooth and skeletal muscle contractions. Acute hypocalcemia causes prolongation of the QT interval, which may lead to ventricular dysrhythmias. It also causes decreased myocardial contractility, leading to CHF, hypotension, and angina."

(excerpts above from here)

And I had to figure out what hypocalcemia was, and what it did, without any of the above super-mad-insane-i'mnotyetamedicalstudentsoishouldnotknowthis-technical knowledge.

This was one of the questions from a mock medical school interview, which had me scratching my head from the inside without any fingers.

Medical schools in the UK mostly require candidates to have brilliant A-Level or equivalent results, as well as pass an interview, where ethical, soul-searching and technical questions are asked.

This apparently was one of them.

And I could imagine my mock interviewer being impaled in a slow-burning-charcoal fire.

No, he wasn't that bad. And somehow with pitiful A-Levels knowledge(I realised that we know yet so little), and quite a bit of helpul questioning and guidance by my interrogator along the way, I managed to solve the mystery of how hypocalcemia wrecked havoc on your body.

Specifically the heart. Somehow I made my example suffer cardiac arrest from overstimulation of cardiac muscle without resting it due to too frequent signaling from nerves that stimulate the heart(someone tell me what nerve it is, bloody hell I forgot..), due to an increase ease in impulse transmission, thanks to a higher resting potential due to the less positively charged exterior surrounding axons of nerves reducing the time required for the influx of sodium ions into the axons to trigger the action potential.

Or something like that. All due to a lack of calcium.

Suprisingly, after the whole exercise, I actually found it quite fun. What a smartass would label "intelectually stimulating". As well as the rest of the questions. Well, mostly fun. There were a few bugs here and there, sigh. But thanks to hypocalcemia and other quirky diseases, I remember one of the reasons I wanted to do medicine in the first place :).

my housemates

2004-09-06T06:57:00.000+01:00

The weekend was not my usual cup of tea. Slept really early on Saturday morning @3.30AM, which caused me not to go for the basketball game 6 hours later that I so desperately craved.

I betrayed housemate #1 by going to Seremban for the aforementioned concert, which was brilliant. Imagine 20 piano diploma holders, showcasing their talents in twos and threes.. So he claims.

Why did I betray him? I wonder. Housemate #1 claims I went after his girlfriend.

When I already have one.

There's so little trust in the world these days.

Housemate #2 bought a new fighting fish. Its name is The Last Samurai 2. Hellboy died. His tortoise, Doh-doh is alive and well. We're playing in a badminton competition tommorow because Housemate #2 is interested in one of the organisers, who is a model for a slimming programme.

Fair skinned, slim, tall, fit. Busty. Great figure.

And lives at KDU Hall!

(a reminder, its he who's interested and not me)

I finished my Cambridge applications, which is lame and dry, much like my UCAS application. I don't know why, but I can't seem to sound cool on paper.

According to that betrayed Housemate #1, I can only flirt.

In English only.

Housemate #3 wants to use my laptop now. He's also applying for Cambridge.

Housemate #4 did not come back after the weekend. Housemate #1 misses him alot.

My housemates are obviously helping me write this article, and I'm fulfilling their desires. I'll try to post something else tomorrow.

Back to college

2004-09-03T07:57:00.000+01:00

I'll give my thoughts a break today. Too tired to think. Its been quite an interesting 2 weeks back in college. Holidays went. Results came. Forecast results forecasted. Forms were filled up. Forms are being filled up. Wore out new slippers. Got my very own suit. Olympics ended. The weekend's here.

Got back together with my ex-girlfriend. I've missed her. Alot. Yet somehow there's always the question of a long-distance relationship over our heads. Even more so with my move to the UK next year.

There's a concert tommorow. There's BASKETBALL tomorrow! Joy! Rapture!

The concert's being held by a friend's former teacher, full of various piano pieces for about 3 hours, in Seremban, Negeri Sembilan, Malaysia.

The basketball, is at a court in SS4, Petaling Jaya, and I haven't been playing for ages! Ah...

Did I mention that I like basketball? Its something I've enjoyed on and off since primary school. Played it here and there, never too seriously though; had too many other things to handle, and only had the willpower to consistently play ball over the past few months.

The smell of rubber. The scorching sun. Swish. Lay-up.

I've also had to opportunity to watch a few movies. One that I can safely recomend(at least for bored teenagers) is "The Girl Next Door" starring Elisha Cuthbert and some other guy. My flatmates all found it quite witty, although I was a bit dissapointed, probably due to the fact that I watched the trailers a tad too often. Its quite good fun when you do watch it with friends. Unfortunately I don't have the link to the movie web site at this point of time.

Elisha Cuthbert is hot.

I can also recomend Alien Vs Predator. As a comedy. Not horror. The predators are stupid. The aliens more so. Kind of removes the gloss and horror from the original Alien or Predator films.

There's supposed to be this really expensive new Malaysian movie, "Puteri Gunung Ledang". Got to watch that sometime, just to see whether the Malaysian film industry has made any progress, as well as the fact that one of my flatmates is from Tangkak, a town at the doorstep of Gunung Ledang :).

And thats pretty much it. For now. Back to Biology and some Cambridge forms.

holidays and procrastrination

2004-08-19T17:13:00.000+01:00

I procrastrinate.

Was supposed to have written at least 2 posts before this one.

I blame the bed.

And TV.

And exams.

Did I mention the holidays just started too :)

Wait.

Its already the middle of the holidays.

Damm.

What has happened during my 2 week hiatus?

This started.

This also started.

This started too.

This ENDED.

This guy created another blog of his own.

What else happened?

A few exam papers got leaked, a bus hit a fly, some crabs died, couches was warmed, emails replyed, bloggers blogged, gossip spread, food was eaten.

Just a few things really. Nothing major.

And I'm back.

of bandits and nostalgia

2004-07-28T12:55:00.000+01:00

Excitement.

Exhaustion.

Awe.

(not really).

Dissapointment.

Exhaustion.

The only feelings experienced within a 24 hour period starting from 2300 hrs on Monday night. A couple of friends and myself decided to catch a late night bus to Kedah to witness my former school band in action.

Lots of feelings and memories came back as we half-dragged ourselves and half-sleep-walked to look for the band when we got to the stadium.

Apparently they were supposed to be brilliant, just came back from a tour of Italy and had other local bands quivering in their uniforms. So we expected a rather grand show from them.

In the end, they were good. But not quite what we expected. Perhaps we expected too much, us being former leaders of the band having heard so much about their exploits.

Think they'll do better next time though. We flew back at night thanks to this little budget airline. I eventually reached home at 2300 hrs Tuesday, courtesy of a friend's good drive back. Thanks man.

Having said that, it was good to meet up with those two buggers. We go back quite a bit together. Especially in band. We've all changed here and there I suppose, but without them, you wonder how your life would have turned out to be. And they're all doing well where they are. If you guys read this(you know who you are), sorry I was too exausted in Kedah at the arcade and stuff.

There's nothing like catching up with your old school mates really. To hear where one has been, who's together with who else, who's flying, who's returning back, what is who doing, why is who such a ******* ...etc.

And remembering how it was in the band, tuning up, playing your instruments, shouting orders, playing instruments the wrong way, cursing the cursed band teachers knowing that they want us to do well too. Seeing the results of hard work through the teachers' teary eyes, the cheers of the audience, the satisfactory-tired feeling one gets after a good performance.

Occasionally dropping the mace.

Sneaking out of hotel rooms during curfew.

Sleeping on the way back home after a good show.

Ah, the good old days.

to err.

2004-07-20T00:54:00.000+01:00

This post was to be about the story of how I got the title of my blog.

However, instead I decided to talk about the demons that one faces each day.

One of mine is one that strikes when and after I try to help people too much.

Peculiar isn’t it? There was a theory, put forward by a former Biology teacher of mine, that says that no one helps someone else out for no reason at all. Every action is taken for an implicit reason, whether good or bad, pure or corrupt. Whether it is just to ease one’s conscience, or to potentially gain a good reputation, or friendship.

Whatever it is, one should seemingly help himself when ‘helping’ others.

Which hit me on two occasions very recently, to wonder why I was doing it, when it didn’t seem to help me at all. One was this competition my good friend asked me to join and help get others to join too. It was a running competition, and he was short on good runners to participate. Feeling up to the challenge, I went for it, knowing that my experience as a district middle distance runner would help. After we had finalized who was going to run and the details, I realized that the female runners on the team were not too ‘fit’.

Well, so much for competing. We finished last out of the 8 other colleges. I can’t help thinking that it was kind of a wasted opportunity, because the other colleges weren’t that good. Perhaps if we had trained together. Perhaps if we had trained at all. Or gotten better runners.

Or just plain wasted. So much for the spirit of competition, that the goal is not to win, but to take part.

That’s one devil. Regret when a commitment has been pledged, even if it should trouble you when you do it. Because there shouldn’t be any, as it would be akin to go back on your word, just not openly saying it out. I realized that it was a good experience anyway, because the those ‘fit’ runners were first timers and did well for their lack of training and experience. You can’t win all the time. And I had a good morning run J

Something else happened yesterday that brought another devil out. As I tried to study in college, I couldn’t help but overhear some friends’ conversations about medical school admissions, etc. I decided to show them some useful URLs and stuff.

Effectively killing my time in the library.

Furthermore, one of them was so happy about it and asked me to tell her to let her know of anything else good that I found on the ‘Net.

I felt so used all of a sudden. Especially if they get to med school and I don’t.

Funny since I was the one that offered the helping hand anyway.

“Do it yourself, darned it!”

Nah, I didn’t say that. What perplexed me was that I was actually thinking of good reasons not to help them, these classmates of mine, since perhaps that I had taken the acres of time to hunt these things down

Perhaps I was just sleepy, hungry, cold and cranky.

Then again, I realized that we, classmates are in this together. Trying to get to med school. And should those URLs actually help them along their own paths, then all’s well and good. And that we indeed should all be helping each other towards getting to med school, not trying to shoot each other down. The world will have better doctors. After all, I shouldn’t claim to better any one of them, simply because I found something that they didn’t. And I knew that they would have done the same had we swapped places…at least I hope so.

Talk about making mountains out of molehills. My mind likes to do that.

Well, at least I know why some of the torment in my mind comes from. And perhaps, it should stop me from berating others in my mind for a bit.

After all, to err is to be human.

Spinning Fans

2004-07-15T03:40:00.000+01:00

Fans spin. Round and round. Right above my head.

And I get dizzy.

Bored.

Of Applications to UK Medical Schools

2004-07-14T06:47:00.000+01:00

Ah.

Personal statements. Forecast results. Who takes in 3 A Levels. Interviews.

Stress. Worry.

Such are the lives of the poor JPA medics applying to the UK for medicine. And everyone else trying to do medicine in the UK too.

Why all the fuss, one may ask?

Well, JPA gives them money, so logically they do want to get a solid place in the university so they can keep studying as a JPA funded student.

Then of course, medicine is a really, really, really competitive field. Only 1 in 10 suitable applicants seem to get in.

The irony of it is, medicine is, at least for your first few years, if not forever, if a profession which you have to slog, toil and sweat blood for the rest of your lives. So it seems. All the hours of being on duty, locum, cramming for exams, keeping up to date with medical issues and developments.

All just to help our common neighbour, friend or foe that happens to fall ill.

How noble.

Of course, next to ask is why UK?

Well, actually, everywhere is difficult to get in for medicine, whether its UK, Oz, US, or anywhere else for that matter. Its just that I happen to be going to the UK too. Hopefully.

And why do I want to do medicine? Knowing the 'hell' I'll go through?

Perhaps I think it won't be a hell. It dosen't seem like it to me at least. Trying to understand people at their core really. Thats what drives me. To be able to help others recover. Or at least make their lives comfortable before they pass. Or to understand the mind-body interface. To be able to impress hometown girls?

Fundamentally, I feel that its my vocation.

Oh well.

Useless Assignments

2004-07-13T13:53:00.000+01:00

Just midway through doing a useless Chemistry assignment. It involves writing up a few slides for magnesium and its compounds. Extra stress on "Magnesium oxide as a refractory".

I hate magnesium now.

Thats not all. The assignment probably won't count for any marks. And we have trial exams and mock tests coming up. Time could be so much better invested elsewhere than useless magnesium. Perhaps in blogging. Or playing basketball. Or finishing whole mountain ranges of homework. Or flirting with the junior girls staying opposite our hostel apartment.

Really hating magnesium.

And the chem lecturer. For now, until the assignment is over. She's not too bad. Only gets on your nerves a bit more than you'd comfortably like though.

On another note, I found out why buttered toast always lands buttered side down. Its primarilly a spinnoff of Murphy's Law, which states that anything that can go wrong will go wrong.

If you look at it with Physics though, the angular momentum of the toast is not enough to allow the toast to complete its rotation.

Hope Murphy's Law dosen't hit my slides.

life summary

2004-07-12T09:37:00.000+01:00

well, mine at least. currently at freezing cold kdu college library, typing the first words that come to mind. taking up blogging as a space to express my demented self on me laptop.

ironically, the laptop isn't on my lap.

and i don't have to go to toilet yet.

and why does buttered toast always fall with the buttered side down?

but anyway, i'm an a-levels student at KDU, going to eventually to medicine, a former josephian(st. joseph allumni out there), trying my hand at blogging. hows that for a second post :) gotta run.

i need to crap

2004-07-08T05:57:00.000+01:00

ah. my first post. I've been waiting for this moment since April this year. Unfortunately it has to be cut short because I have to crap. Ciao.