It is:

Wrong to put myself under so much internal pressure.

Right to try my best.

Wrong to stop trying.

Ok to be insecure.

Not ok to stop believing in yourself.

Ok to be dissapointed.

Ok to make mistakes.

Not ok if you don't learn from your dissapointments and mistakes.

Ok to dream.

Not ok to just dream and not put in any action.

Bad to procrastinate.

Good to take things easy once in a while.

How do u balance the last two? And everything else?

**
Time to grow up?

Or remain young at heart?

Or both?

**
Does one ever grow up? At all?

A long, overdue, update.

1 month into the New Year. Managed to miss my birthday posting, Christmas posting, New year's posting, and a host of loads of other things. I think of the time when I said that I'd decide to just write when I felt like it, and ideally it'd be once a month. Guess that resolution didn't take too long to break. Anyway.

I think I am the master of procrastination.

But I think I honestly have missed blogging. :) So, time to get the writing back! This will be a long one. And possibly very self-centered.

****
December went by quickly. No assignments, nothing due in, so it just seemed to chug along relatively relaxingly. Little did I know that those missed leg anatomy sessions would come back and haunt me in January.

But of course, there was the winter break to look forward to!

2 weeks spent with my dear, dear darling. A trip round France! And New Year's in Cardiff! Set me and my bank account back quite a bit, but it was well worth it. Nice, Monaco, Toulouse, little castles and towns around Toulouse, and then Paris. Beautiful, warm and then cold, but it was good. Great company. Monaco people are rich. Nice has beautiful sunrises. Castles are pretty, small towns are picturesque. Toulouse was a nice respite, and Paris was..Paris. Damm the Trocadero for not telling us about their hotel being conveniently shut in Nice. And the train companies for not being able to travel overnight on Christmas Eve, which meant that 1/4 of Christmas day was spent, on a train to Paris!

But the train ride was fun..and hot..:)

Paris lived up to its expectations of grand buildings, great museums, and snobbish, rude people(at the airport). There is this condition, Paris syndrome, which seems to infect unsuspecting Japanese tourists that are shocked by their rudeness, but the bulk of it happened to us on the last day of our travels, so that was..unpleasant..but it could have been much worse.

Turning 21, in a random hotel on the outskirts of Paris, was also a first. And only, since, come to think of it, since you only turn 21 once.

That too, was nice.

(I can't believe I am 21! We'll get back to that later.)

The French do great food by the way.

That aside, we arrived in London, breaked for a night, and then onwards to Cardiff. There were nice walks to Tesco, a bit of camwhoring, and..just being with each other was nice. New Year's in the arms of the one you love, wherever you are, is the best feeling in the world.

The worst part was, it all went by too fast.

***
The medical school exams were the worst ever I had sat for. Not so much for lack of preparation, but alot of carelessness, an unconfident Luke, and a fear of failing. Oh. and that handphone thing.

My handphone didn't go off in the exam hall, but had its Bluetooth on! On the first day. *faint*. If there is one thing for medical students out there to learn from (or any other student for that matter), switch off all your handphones in all your exams!

Dammit.

I didn't know it at the time, but I was on course for merit marks. That pretty much threw me off. And if the handphone was kept safe and sound and OFF, things might had been so much more different. I couldn't believe either that they scanned for Bluetooth devices! Amazing enough that mine was on as well, seeing as I hardly use it.

Whoopies. So much for aiming high.

But yeah, with the handphone and being on the verge of a mental breakdown as a result, as the exams ended on the 16th, I would have taken any form of pass at that time. With a disciplinary hearing and results due in on the next week, (which ended with a written warning and a scratch on my disciplinary record but results still the same, thankfully), I decided to travel to Cardiff to get away from it all, and help her with her exams.

And conveniently fell sick along the way.

Whats wrong with you, darned it. You're supposed to take care of her.

I really hope she did ok, because she, of all people, really will make a good doctor. Perhaps I'm biased, but she's got the right attitudes, and has the smarts to do it. And I hope that I did help her along the way.

Because I can't forgive myself if I caused her to screw up by being a distractant.

Regardless of how you feel about the exams love, I'm hoping that you still did ok.

***
January ends, with exam results(passes, thankfully, could have been merits, but could always have been worse), a 4000 word assignment due in 3 weeks, which is really going to be a kick towards my grades, and the word count currently stands at 0. Still have to visit the study patient a couple more times, and lots more bits and pieces, as it comes along the way. + SSC. + holiday planning. + make-or-break badminton matches.

February will be a crazy month.

***

I'm 21 now. Officially an adult! Its amazing and humbling to realise that you've grown so much and gotten this far in life so far. Yet also I've been feeling a bit down for a good part of the first month of it. I wonder why. Something to do with unfulfilled dreams n goals perhaps? Or a lack of belief in self which ought to be there? I wonder. What have I done with my life up to now? Immediately, these things spring to mind, and I know, these actions have had the most impact on my life.

-learned how to walk.
-learned to play badminton.
-played in a brass band.
-lead a marching band.
-made good friends, enemies, and a million acquaintances.
-fell in love.
-again.
-and hoping for this one to last.
-got into medical school. somehow.
-and survived the first year.

Things that then spring forth when I think of what I'd like to be able to do/be from now on, or eventually are:

-get through medical school (passing would be great, but honours would be a definate bonus), and progress through the career of a doctor well.
-win a couple more games of semi-competitive badminton.
-see the world, as much as I can before the rat race takes over (actually, in medical school, it seems to have begun already.)
-learn how to get out of the rat race quickly, and actually do it.
-be a good boyfriend/husband/father.
-be content and confident with and about myself.
-be sure of what i want, and where I'm going.
-and learn how to fly. an aeroplane. (lol. if i could physically fly, that would be v. cool!)
-and enjoy the processes of all these along the way.

That, as I turn 21, is what I think, my ambition and goals should be.

***

Mm. That felt good. If only the words came so easilly for my assignment *pout*.

Until next time guys :)

A day of falling table leaf arms.

Newcastle Medical School prides themselves on having swanky technology and pretty lecture theatres for its medical students. Almost all the rooms, lecture theatres and library are beautifully carpeted, and complete with the latest computers, AV systems, etc.

Only one problem: drop leaf chairs in the seminar rooms (those that you can turn the arm up and down if you want to write) r very fragile. N rely on the best fit, and are not really fastened well together.

Usually one unlucky soul in the seminar room drops this 'drop leaf' each day(usually clumsy ol' me), to the humor of everyone else. Yesterday, by some coincidence, almost everyone had a go at it. Resulting in scattered notes and notepads and pencilcases, all over the room, all the time. lol. much to my amusement..who, didn't drop anything at all. amazingly enough. Perhaps the planets were aligned?

One month in, and work keeps coming in, social possibilities seem endless, flu is a constant nemesis, and money keeps dissapearing. Depressing sometimes, to be a medic. Which is why we can sometimes take pride in the little things that make our day. Like being able to keep your notes all steady on table leafs.

1st week back!

And what a week. I've held brains, had the same brain held stolen from me and subsequently returned, injured my calf and hamstring, played too much badminton on a Sunday afternoon, carried a 20kg bookshelf back from IKEA Gateshead to Fenham, made a very expensive handphone mistake, met juniors, a 6' 5'' Trinidad and Tobago badminton international, froze to pieces in my own room even though its 20 degrees outside, and met too many people that I knew last year, a third of which whose names I can't remember, another third not being able to remember mine, and the last third, not knowing each others' name at all!

Its good to be back.

finally, Summer in Pictures.

Right on cue, as our first lectures start tommorow! 

Off to Vietnam!

Land of the single yellow star on a bright red background's flag. Land of cheap labour, land mines, child prostitutes, inexpensive goods, industrial shipyards, unique foods, and Miss Saigon. Land where dad currently works.

Yes, I leave for Vietnam tommorow! For a week in an exotic place, not knowing the language, luggage as of yet unpacked, and camera batteries still flat! Mom is going to kill me.

Pray that I come home safe, and all limbs attached.

PS: if any of the KDU people that went to Penang for the mini reunion are reading this, esp Gayetri and Subhadra, can you please send me whatever pics you have of that to me? to any of my email adds. or can someone please, pretty please, help tell them that Luke needs pics? *_* tq..=)

SJS Band are National Champions 2006!

Well done boys! Call yourselves MEN.